Helping Clients Negotiate Condom Use: Condom Excuses

The following list is a compilation of common “excuses” that people use to avoid using condoms. Each “excuse” is presented with a possible response to help better negotiate condom use and improve communication on these issues. Counselors can adapt these suggestions for use when discussing condom use with clients.

Condom Excuses

1. “I can't feel anything when I wear a condom.”

Possible response: “I know there's a little less sensation, but there's not a lot less. Why don't we put a drop of lubricant inside the condom? That'll make it feel more sensitive.” (Note: Lubricants should be water-based.)

2. “I don't need to use a condom. I haven't had sex in ___ months, so I know I don't have any diseases.”

Possible response: “That's good to know. As far as I know, I'm disease-free, too. But I'd still like to use a condom because either of us could have an infection and not know it.”

3. “If I have to stop and put it on, I won't be in the mood anymore.”

Possible response: “I can help you put it on. That way, you'll continue to be aroused, and we'll both be protected.”

4. “Condoms are messy, and they smell funny.”

Possible response: “It's really not that bad. And sex can be a little messy sometimes. But this way, we'll be able to enjoy it and both be protected from pregnancy and STIs (including HIV).”

5. “Let's not use condoms just this once.”

Possible response: “No. Once is all it takes to get pregnant or get an infection.”

6. “I don't have a condom with me.”

Possible response: “That's okay. I do.”

7. “You never asked me to use a condom before. Are you having an affair?”

Possible response: “No. I just think we made a mistake by never using condoms before. One of us could have an infection and not know it. It's best to be safe.”

8. “If you really loved me, you wouldn't make me wear one.”

Possible response: “If you really loved me, you'd want to protect yourself–and me–from infections and pregnancy so that we can be together and healthy for a long time.”

9. “Why are you asking me to wear a condom? Do you think I'm dirty or something?”

Possible response: “It's not about being dirty or clean. It's about avoiding pregnancy and the risk of infection.”

10. “Only people who have anal sex need to wear condoms, and I'm not like that.”

Possible response: “That's not true. A person can get an infection during any kind of sex, including what we do together.”

11. “Condoms don't fit me.”

Possible response: “Condoms can stretch a lot–in fact, they can stretch to fit over a person's head! So we should be able to find one that fits you.”

12. “Why should we use condoms? They just break.”

Possible response: “Actually, they told me that condoms are tested before they're sent out–so while they have been known to break, it happens rarely, especially if you know how to use one correctly–and I do.”

13. “What happens if it comes off? It can get lost inside you, and you'll get sick, or could even die. Do you want that?”

Possible response: “It's impossible for the condom to get lost inside me. If it came off, it'd be inside my vagina, and I could just reach in and pull it out.”

14. “If you don't want to get pregnant, why don't you just take the birth control pill?”

Possible response: “Because the birth control pill only protects against pregnancy. The condom protects against both pregnancy and infections.”

15. “My religion says that using condoms is wrong.”

Possible response: “It might help to talk with one of your religious leaders. A lot of people from different religions use condoms, even though their religion is against it. They figure that preventing infection or unintended pregnancy is more important than worrying about the morality of condoms.”

16. “Well, I'm not going to use a condom, and that's it. So let's have sex.”

Possible response: “No. I'm not willing to have sex without a condom.”

17. “No one else uses them. Why should we be so different?”

Possible response: “Because a lot of people who didn't use them ended up with HIV.”

18. “You're a woman. How can you possibly ask me to use a condom? How can I respect you after this?”

Possible response: “You should respect me even more because I am acting responsibly. I'm suggesting this because I care about you and respect myself enough to protect myself. That's enough for me.”

© 2007 EngenderHealth