Sexual Practices

What are clients really talking about when they talk about “sex”?

If providers assume that “sex” means penile-vaginal intercourse, they may be missing important information. A much wider range of sexual practices exist, and practices may vary greatly among individuals of the same group, as well as from country to country and among cultures and subcultures.

Every person (whether a provider or a client) has attitudes, biases, and values about different sexual practices. Those attitudes, biases, and values can affect the way providers talk with their clients. In addition, some sexual practices can have important health implications.

What people do . . .

Sexual practices between consenting adults can include a wide variety of behaviors. Depending on the individual and his or her culture, each of your clients may have different ideas about which practices they consider to be “sex.”

As an exercise, ask yourself how you feel about the following practices—and ask yourself which of the following practices you consider to be “sex”:

• Hugging
• Kissing
• Masturbating
• Manually stimulating your partner
• Vaginal penetration
• Anal penetration
• Vaginal or anal penetration with objects
• Oral-genital stimulation
• Sexual excitement while looking at or reading pornography
• Telephone or “cyber” sex
• Dressing up in “sexy” clothes

No matter what your own feelings about these practices are, it’s important to remember that clients may be talking about any of these—or about other practices not listed here—when they talk about “sex.” Furthermore, if there are activities on this list that clients do engage in but do not classify as “sex,” they may not mention them during discussion, depending on how your questions are phrased. (A glossary of sexual practices appears in the “Making It Work” section.)

. . . Where and with whom

Besides their attitudes toward different sexual practices, all people have attitudes, biases, and values related to the circumstances under which people engage in sexual practices. For example, ask yourself if you feel differently about any of the above practices in the following situations:

• When done by a man and a woman
• When done by two people of the same sex
• When done by groups of people of both sexes
• When one partner is getting paid for it
• When done in a public place
• When done by two unmarried people
• When done by a young married couple
• When done by an old married couple
• When one person is married, but the other is not
• When one person has many partners
• When one person is much older than the other
• When the people do not know each other

No matter what your personal feelings are about these activities, it is important to give clients impartial, unbiased information—to help them without judging them.

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